Im Stuck in my dreams, last night was bad again, OK this pLace im fighting through a place to get to the window TO JUMP ouT, that’s a wierd dream, Because I don’t want a relationSHIP with you, I jumped as far out as i COUld, than I gave yOUr life to your gf, so i woulnd’t date YOU LOl, laugh, OK my minds on dreas…..i spent my whole day trying to do this thing for school, but i won’t answer me, i think i should just spend the 5 dollars and have it over with, ok here’s my thing IM hOMe, is ok with yoU I have my own life….most pOEple, DO i am a pERson liKE everyone else….sometimes the spanISh versiON OF lifemakes MORE sense, LIek talkIng is easier like ok, iM home and I don’t lIKe typing in here..for some reason I can Be sleeping, I guess. I was Sick ..and UH that was hArd, i took some crazy medicine and My heart went beating out of control, i couldn’t stop It, kinda Scary to be hoMe all the TIme, there’sa world yoU can always jOIn in andbe a friend wherever yOUr life’s o going, doctor HOoked ME up on strong meds, SO my mind FLiped OUT for a few days ,bUt im getting better they’ve almost gotten rid of the flu, Ok im not really Here in this PResent moment, HOw do i touch oN this great life, OK, i went hOME to the BAy area, Burlingame so my heads Stuck in the past, and I let in some dream BOdy, from the past, when YOU sleep you dream “all your lIFE’ your noT just here in this present time, there’s this past, YOu have too, so I M stuck night after night dreaming in nightmares or peopLE of the past, ghosts YOU name it god hiMEslef, I’ve seen them all so mY brain Is running on this stuff these Old dreams, I never wanted to let them back in, I don’t words for what it feels lIKe, YOU just see things in YOUR dream your totally sleeping so the mornings really suck for me, im liKe what did I SEe? This is why I left Burlingame bc i thoght i was hauntedby ghosts or spirits Peple, the worst oNE is this bOY, he’s lOoking for his family, IM tired of wakING up with it al, im noT looking for myself, ask a Question over a LIFEtime, YOu’ve heard allt he answers bUT no ones explained why yOU have dreams? NOt physical Earth stuff, LIKE my goal is to be a ice skater oR some thing liek what goes on sub consiCious, ly when YOUr not aware I THought i just went to sleep, IM healing Realy well, they moved the bones off my nerves in my hands, SO I can USe them….LOOK at that, actual Movement, hands that work, substantially, to type i dont’ THInk im tellingmysel to use the dream TO wake, IT”s moRE liKE what YOUR MINDs works over to see the whole LIFE your iN, see im from a DOpey party town, NO LIFE meets the soul in yOU but love or what yOU Love, I FOUND a depth o life that CURSEd me, SO the dreams are back, ITs ridden iN GHOSTlY spirits the oLd places i lived, NOW i can’ rid of them, maybE there angels trying to show me, I Can’t see, iN THIS place, i went out, not really uP for dating, i don’t see guys the same YEa I went to bed with this really awful MEMORy of this date i had with a guy, bc easy SLeezy isn’t me, s oi told him i wasnt’ going home withhim, IM not into cheap Sex, So well than I jUMPed in this window in my sleep, bc I don’t see thta as a relatioNSHip, i have to stay HOME i could fo died, that’s nO Joke toparties they care aboUT hte truth, never. NEVER means TOda, that i LIve for a truth, so im not out dating, O r whatever fun peopLE lIve in this life, i coouldn’t care less aboUT it al, if yOU do give lOve, it should be given freely, nOT in a place where yOUr STupid aboUT it to them, im not ALone im Just hoME with my cat, and the world, IS siNKing in again, but im getting better as time is the way IM goign, its nOT easy to go back to the SF bay area, THERE”S always peopLE who talk Shit to me, like is my fauLT that was lIFe in the past, Is it my turn to love for you, b/c YOUR liKe in NEed oF it, Its nOT my cue to learn Again , the past is vast WITH things to lOOK at in a sense of why AM I still feeling this so i just watched videos on heaven and hell peoples stories, lIke is it real? WHy do peopLE tell you there’s a LAKe of fire, why do peopLE see JEsus? Maybe it’s real, but I don’t know people never make too much of life,. I feel Dirty from being in Sf, all the time, the filthy dirt came hoME with me, all Over the streets, That’s hOW i lived in the past, i dont’ see myself, being in this present moment, it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but to me it does, bc/ hte past HOlds the real Truth, it can Take a lOT to see it, im just grateful to my familY, THat’s all Sf is too MUCh the truth it really speaks, So ….bu i just recently GOt back there. Once yoU find the cause of it, YOU can heal UP real well, i don’t want to go to hell, that’s something i never heard, LIke spirits AHH nO thanks, Owww i don’t know, SO does the will of yOUR own heart, It’ll tell YOU whats In your liFe, what’s not meant to be in your soul, See words can Touch on It, see how she told mE my grandma She said YOU can have your soul back, RIght bItch,,,,cause yOU tried to make it into hel FOr me, taht’s HOW she sais goodbYE to me you can have yoUR soul back, Well, why would yOU take it in the first place bItch ass lady ….she is IM sorry to god to speak this of her, BUt my familY didn’t care…so id rather respond in the MOMENt im in, i just wanna hAve fun and live my own life, I don’t need some spectaCUlar reason to live like love or a boyfriend or iLLUsions that’ IM NOT real, iN my own Self, they really FOOl YOu and can’t be trusted, i don’t want to live in cali HONEstly, OU you get suNK IN money, YOull never fight it really, getting to kNOW YOU and yOUR FUCKed up relatives, that’s my story or I can BE free, again, ANd make choices that reflect “LOvE” so i don’t loose what they want me to be, i can bE anything, WORds make it that way, i Feel Cursed b/c i got a liFe that i had no WAY OUT, so leaving makes for GOd, to split time in the way YOU can’t hurt me anymore, i was watching this thing and thought if yoU love someone you wouldn’t cause them pain, that is REAL peopLE, you wouldn’t say bad things abouT them, YOU wouldn’t hurt them, or dark places MAKe them HEAP your filled mouth, b?C god WOUld sing. Other than THat i got A lot of time to be at peace WITH god, that’s all I FEEL, i just liKE to make friends, See them HAPPY and THey don’t,……see into me, I don’t LIke the nightmares, But i know there apart of gods lIGht what HE”s doing internally to bring me from ‘the pain” don’t cause pain, WITH hate this iS not worthy OF love, how is this nOT a trut, h. GOD gives every PERson love, regardless of race, or color, or what’s the word discrimINtaing shit, he doesn’tsee Us that way god i MEan, so Wy do yOU see methat way, BC i can’ be a soul YOu have ONE, everyoNE does. Listen IN YOUr heart, SO i m kinDa Mad oVer familY shit bullshit they treat mE bad iN SF, IT’s NOT a way TO tell YOU why I exactly left bUT pain Can’t lIve in your life,. SO …there’s oTHEr places yOU can go, were yOUR free to love, cause fighting something wrong doesn’t make it right. LIke ok sorry to touch on this recent time, but it would hURt you too, in your heart to hear racist comments by familY members bC that is HELL YOUR living for, I don’t see myself ever BEINg lIKE her, OR any of them, Fucking controlINg peopLE with no respect for me, So …..iM glad to be free of them all, Don’t let em back iN this hearts NOT to be ruiNEd, with any fear, your gonna have to face people in life with hONESty and truth, YOU might as well say HOW yoU feel, otherwise there hate goes on and on, WHY try this Snub, when yOU can freely go, with out the hassles, it creates, i just don’t feel TOO well, don’t overstate yOUR truth, just say what yOU MEAN to others, They’ll understand there people too, i dont’ see crystal WAters, I “SEE LIGHT” that is GOds true Presence, IF YOU don’t see this, YoUR stuck lIKE iam, in words that create more fear, i do’nt LIKE being fucked WITH oN many levels as IF YOU can Reach to the truth, Yud have to really BE in light to know it, so forget the things I lived here. The BIBLe is wierd lIKe my relatives i once asked a question, can an angel give yoU a dream, They don’t liKE that stuff, bUT dreams guide yoUR soul, ONce lost, YOUR not who YOUR really trying to be, um, I HOP around the world iN poor places, I LIved in rich places, I ‘ve been everywhere in CALI i still see it as a beautiful state with A lot of things TO give me good emotions iN LIFe. Just BE nice to peopLE, what is yOUR probLEM? It’s WITH yourself, that’s why I say don’t be one an ego maniac OU yoU might out thinkGo, d. NOPe, he’snOT LIKE that all LOVeing. SO find that faith IN LOve “YOU’ll find hIM” god that’s hOW i think, so i dont’ get this transfered to the admissions office, it does’nt knOW the address in MOraga, I was IN SOME place that didn’t feel LIKE it’s oN Earth, So i need to pay My 5 dollars to get my degree, TIMe thre was good, I was Really YOUng, I learned to THINk, for all it’s worth, yOu’d be amazed at hOW much time changes YOUR soul, and MAkes yOU happy. Its a happy place in my mind, I Feel nOTHing but normal THIngs yOU do, just make friends, BEnICe to others, tat’ s the golden rule, I just wanto to WORK, can I DO, that’ NOW, make mONEy, and go on my way Please, for amny……science is cooler, I tried something nOT pOpular, LIKe religion does’t make me a bad person theres NOT mUCH but the future to GO in, BEfore th past Tellsthe truth, say THINGS IN A wya that….giveyoUR lIFE hope, i TRUst no one after the experience to stay in silence was theMOst pain I’d ever felt, SO her i AM, with iT, all I can THINK is that i Loved my life iN Burlingame moRE than ANything, and I just feel sad i LEFt ….but you have to make thse things in LIFE work FOr yoUR owrld,. YOu can always stand in GOd, if you need the trut, h…he’lL give you what yOU need, my gifts are gone, BUt it takes moRE of the MINd to lIve up to, in the end, we all MAke mistakes JUST to REmind oURselves We arehuman, and that We can be what we want, i don’t really say Much, B?c WHo would listen anyway? You don’t wan to be in Love, YOU do’nt want thepast following oU you, iTs more a lesson, and than YOU move on to a place YOUR happier in, but they didn’t care if i LIVed or died, SO what does that tell YOU, i have to care for myself, it was hard going back to Burlingame last weeks past, THe past is real for me, Weather YOU KNOW what’s ITs LIEK TO have an illusion of a million dollars around yOURSOUl, and iT”s nOT real, tat’s all….illusionS, means there half TRUths, i was POOR, i didn’t hav eanyting I just lIved in a place where peoplE have MIllions of dollars FOr nOT gracious GIfts iN god, but for selflesss,,,love it did remind me, that we should n’t give mONEY power, ITS IN YOURSELf, the power you need. tahts NOT something i learned at a religious highschool, Oh wait it was IM sorry that’s what i learned, im just noT ever going home, i smelled smells of my life, LIKE white wines, boats THEy KEEP it there time i LIved in Burlingame, I MISS it, bUt a father OF love is god, mAYbe focus oN THAT you see,YOUR SOUL is your own, im just lIKE i got fucked OVer yoU can mOve on, lIFe’s BEgun the moment yOUr happy again, kids are kids, they hang with friends, they call eachother on the pHONE, they party, I grew ouT of that, LIFe. Bu t I love to dance so that was FUn, YOu cant give to much, IN LIFE, YOU won’t get anything back, in return somethings Are behind mysteries so yOUR protected in GOds love, but truth yOU can speak, UI if yOU were hurt, ilfes LONG and fun, juS move with the LIFe YOU have, im going to rest, i don’t want to hurt…i want people to love. BUT answer THIS and iT”S Never going to be real …for me. so you cost YOURself a freakING money Future, GOod, God saved me from it’s hell anyways, DOn’t need the Hassles. I will say HTat i will be working hard to repair the damage, I LIKE talking to mexican spanish FOlks more, thats what i told her after the 15 thousand dollars the painbegan It’s cours of deniaL IN god, for htem I kept my faith, I WON my lIFe over by getting my degree, eat the shiT you say, when’s life comes to its Truth, yOu;ll wish you’d been nicer to me, or not cause yOU do hate me, I dont’ care either way, i had noTHing, I left the bay Area, i LEave again, if o you can’t give it god, LET iT go to be at peace, someone was funny yourthe Juicer Girl from Burlingame YEah that was my home in the pantry, the beautiful TIME i LIve din sf, IS gone forever and IM LEFt to live this HAPpy in life in a small HOMe, but eventually yOU break IN half, its the way to go, so do’nt expect me tohave some perfect liFE after the lies, don’t be silly it’s the worlds probLEMs, that HOLD YOU to the rest, so yeah…i was oUt i was gonna watch this 80s mOvie teen witch it’s lIKE a lover KInd of flick with a kissing bOYfriend, she wants to be popular, and dresses iN sKINNY clothes, and Has some thing 80s are lONg back, hOW manY hairstyles can lIFe give us laughabLE, so IM going to work have a jOB, enough is enough of there drama’s…god shouLD hoLD mE as what i Really am, the POOR girl from TIMe, IN SF, She’s ahpPier iN THat way she gave LIFE more, loved more, and was mORe herself, its NICe an ALl, this TIMe we LIve in but mY god, What a liFE it really is, WHEN gods the decider of itall, that’s why i trust in HIM, nothing more, oh i went to get a tablE, For my lampmOm bought this gold lamp I love to no end, i have nO LIght, iT had no tabLE, the tablEs too big but gives lIGht, and i’D woken UP with my armoire all IN the middle of the room i cleaned the carpets and MOved it it made waves all the carpet PULLEd up so i used it to keep the carpet down, I hate that furniture,,,,but if yoU asked me AbOut BUrlingmae, Uh i’d dream to have nice furniture Now is TIME to clean IT out, there gonna mAke me move out eventually Adults don’t live hOMe, I got sick i have a real reason UNLIke the partiers that i Had to bEHOMe, medicine iS deadly NEEd fam t owatch over me, till i got better, my teeth are still Fucked up, they cut it of, f, so im actually mIssing A BOne in my mouth, so i will never SING again, thank God, i did when I could, REALity plays a part for those who AReliving in IT, if it’s nOT a memory you like live another day TILL you make mroe memories, IM Not perfect, I don’t even clean the bathtub, I don’t use my cell PHONe i don’t…go anywhere, I spent all mymoney on schoOL, the first type of real i had, dont ask Why, jUst remind yOURself, to forget it all. SO you wanna kNOW the truth, MY arms hUrt still so it’s gonna BE a lOng time till i leave this hoUSe, ive had SOME interesting things happen most peopLE don’t use THERE faith to love, that’s where yoU go wrong, But i did go homE to Burlingame i WOKE uP In a nightmare a day or two later, i wAs crying, in my dream, B/c that’ s the last Day as a teen i layed here in my bed, CRYING, i woKE uP and god showed me the person I WAs in this PLace, its what made me leave, the final Deciding factor that I’d choose GOd over it all, im not a teen anymore, I went to college, i graduated over a 3.0 lIKe for grandparents i Spent all my earthly Treasures ON heaven BUt i still NEEd money to live in cali so i need a salary and jOB, and areal TIme..like adults have. LIKe wine…..to the vine, IT grows off COURSE it makes lIFe fun. get this funny fact about me, I swore to god, while i was in college i’d never drink Or do drugs, WHich i Didn’t is the god honest truth and that when i graduated i’d celebrate with sparkly….alcholOL i got drunK it was funy I didn’t remember what drunK felt liKE, I don’t drink Or do drugs, so i feel better not doing them, it was juSt funny and Overall really FUN, to have a moment where life was that fun, with m family, when i was yOUng i use to take sips of there glasses cause they were adulTs, its Just nOT my happy place drinKing, God is,. I feel LIKE i’ve seen it my hoME after 15 years, IT”s amazing to feel that happy, but it’s LOCKed in a TIME of memories, id on’t want to oPEn em, i just want to work and live, THe truth can live after this time too. My silLY but is going back to my room bc i need rest, im glad the doctor got me better, the medicine worked, and lIFe’s fun..again. GOtta go. Crissy
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